According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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