I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
