Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
