you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
