Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This is classic penis vs brain.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
