i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
