Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
