Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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