so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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