Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
