My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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