Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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