First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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