My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
