if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
