I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
