I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
