bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
