she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
