its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
