Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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