no, he came in my armpit
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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