You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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