I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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