Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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