Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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