So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
