she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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