what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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