i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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