I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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