My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I smell like Dick and happiness
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
