He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
