alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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