Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i out mim tonsoeep
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