dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
