3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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