i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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