I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
