I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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