Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
