Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
