so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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