my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
