I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
