I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
