Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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