She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
