he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
