Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize