By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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