Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
